The college life is the life for me.
Greetings friends and foes. I know you all hate me and want me to die, but I have created another stupid website that I will probably stop updating in about two weeks. However, for the next two weeks, your world will be rocked in an unprescidented fashion!

Today I want to talk to you about a little thing that I hold dearly: college. A young man, 18 years of age, is faced with two choices in his life: going to college or getting a job. In my not-so-humble opinion, a job should be avoided at all costs. "But Jesse," you may be asking, "what makes college so much better than a job?" Well, if you asked that question, not only are you stupid, but you're in luck, for I am prepared to give a full demonstration. Hold onto your seats, because this is going to be a wild ride!

College: Hot teen-age girls.

It's no secret that college campuses are crammed with hot, naked, big-tittied teenage girls just waiting to be taken advantage of while in a drunken stupor. Have you ever seen a "Girls Gone Wild" video? After all, if you see it advertised on TV, it must be true.

It is an irrefutable fact that the young, supple, ready-to-be-defiled woman demographic on college campuses has swelled over the last decade. No red-blooded, pickup-driving, country-music-listening American (never forget) boy would pass up the chance to subject himself to the all-out sex fest that is college. To put it another way, if you don't go to college, you're a no-good sand nigger. That's right. Go back to Packghanistan.

Job: Nasty-ass customers.

While all the hot naked women are in college classes, being naked and hot, a job is the way to go if you like your women hair, ugly, and particularly bloated. These individuals have taken it upon themselves to make the life of any service-industry jobholder a living hell. Society has cast them out for being untidy, wookie-like creatures, and in return they will feel it necessary to focus their wrath upon you.

In exchange for the lousy wage you will be paid, it will be your duty to fend off the barbarian hoardes of decrepit, bitchy old hags. Armed only with your cunning to protect you, you must do battle with the armies of ugliness. Congratulations, assclown. Way to think that one through.

College: Lots of beer.

Any successful student knows that the key to a well-rounded college education lies in one frosty beverage: beer. Massive beer consumption is mandatory on many college campuses these days, and as any college student knows, this is indeed a good thing.

Beer, when coupled with the above-mentioned hot, naked, big-tittied teenage girls, can yeild very favorable outcomes. In fact, studies show that adding beer to hot, naked, big-tittied teenage girls increases the odds that you'll be allowed to put your "hoo hah dilly" in her "cha cha".

Job: Lots of taxes.

Everyone knows that it is a grave travesty that, even in the Good Ole' US of A (never forget!), the federal government would try to take a portion of a worker's hard-earned paycheck in the state-sponsored thievery they like to call "taxes". I don't go to elementary school, so why should my paycheck pay for those rotten bastard kids anyway?

Despite the obvious suckiness of taxes, it appears as though they are here to stay. The only way around them, then, is to avoid an income at all cost. This is especially convenient because college kids are characteristically poor. Don't let the man keep you down: go to college, fool.

And at that, today's lesson comes to an end. I'm hella tired and I still have to do an essay for my sociology class, but I hope you all have learned enough to avoid the pitfalls of jobedness. Until next time, be cool: stay unemployed.